top of page

Everybody's at war....


"Everybody's at war w/different things... I'm at war w/my own heart sometimes" -2pac

We all have moments in life where things just aren't going well. We're coached to think positively and keep going. What happens when u can't find the thought frequency u need to experience ur desires?

Nearly 6 yrs ago, life forced me and my 2 children to move back home w/my parents. I felt like such a failure. I was 30, broken, broke, uninspired & scared. I believed that I was supposed 2 have a career, pickett fence & house, perfect family... I pretty much wanted my parents life w/my own swag . When life failed 2 give it to me, I felt lost.

I limited myself to my room. My primary focus became work. Forcing me to limit family quality time drastically. My 2 children required Mommy-time which gave me an excuse to escape my intense World & enter the beauty of theirs. Being around my family just reminded me of everything I lacked. Which was too emotionally overwhelming for me. So I focused on succeeding on my visions.

Being around my family forced me to smile & be happy. I wasn't in the mood to do that, as I was as serious & focused as can be. No one respected my plan like me, so isolation seemed to my only option. I was so focused on creating independence for my children & I that I hardly paid attention to other things.

At 1st, being alone in my room was scary. I had no 1 to talk to. No1 to confirm or deny what my thoughts meant or tell me what to do next. I've never experienced a louder silence.

Even tho I unwelcome people, I couldn't shut my brain off (& believe me, I tried). Initially, I got mad at myself & found myself spiraling deeper into my hole. I was forced to explore my fears & question the elements that scared me the most. I was petrified of discovering something hidden within myself. Could I do it?

"From the nite can arise the sweet dawn"-Lauren Hill.

How did I tap into myself? Meditation. I'd been researching the proper method for several years. The requirement was to always quiet the mind. Which was impossible for me.

The best method for me to master meditation was focusing on my breath. As I inhaled, I direct positive energy in. Exhaled sent negative energy out. Of course outside thoughts tried to distract me countless times. I'd simply thank myself for the reminder. Then I'd give myself permission to check on whatever came up right after my personal time with myself. This is how I learned to kind to myself. Which I'd never honestly done before.

Meditating alone forced me to address "the boogie man" in all my fears. I learned to explore myself & find peace in my findings. I learned to become one w/my inner voice.

I also recognized that my conscious & I have always been besties . Constantly remembering this fact forces me to have fun when connecting with myself, instead of be so scary. Only when we make peace with the nature of our existence can we make peace with the world.

Instead of being petrified of my own Boogie Man, I learned my shadow is simply a reflection/ extension of myself that never goes away.The more beauty I saw in my mirror's reflection, the more beauty I recognized from within. There's beauty in solidarity.

Try it out for yourself. Here's a YouTube video to offer additional guidance

(bit.ly/2BWXvpc).

You'll be so gr8ful that u did.

bottom of page