Sweet Dawn from the Dusk
"Everybody's at war w/different things... I'm at war w/my own heart sometimes" -2pac
We all have moments in life where things just aren't going well. We're coached to think positively and keep going. What happens when u can't find the thought frequency u need to experience ur desires?
4 yrs ago, life forced me to move back home w/my parents, w/both of my children. I felt like such a failure. I was 30, broken, broke, uninspired & scared. I believed that I was supposed to have a career, pickett fence & house, perfect family... I pretty much wanted my parents life w/my own swag . When life failed to give it to me, I felt lost.
I limited myself to my room. Work was my primary focus. Which left limited family quality time. I only committed to my children. Everyone else got used me being gone.
Being around my family forced me to smile & be happy & I couldn't do that for a while. At 1st, being alone in my room was scary. I had no one to talk to. No one to confirm or deny my ideas or tell me what to do next. I've never experienced a louder silence.
Even tho I unwelcome people, I couldn't shut my brain off (& believe me, I tried). Initially, I got mad at myself & found myself spiraling deeper into my hole. I was forced to explore my fears & question the elements that scared me the most. I was petrified of that. Could I do it?
"From the nite can arise the sweet dawn"-Lauren Hill.
Fast forward to now. Being alone forced me to address "the boogie man" in all my fears. If I didn't understand straight off the bat, I learned to explore & find peace in my findings. I learned to become one w/my inner voice. I also recognized that we'd always been besties , I just needed to remember that. Only when we make peace w/the nature of our existence can we make peace w/the world. Instead of being petrified of my own Boogie Man, I learned my shadow is simply a reflection/extension of myself that never goes away.The more beauty I saw in my mirror's reflection, the more beauty I recognized from within. There's beauty in solidarity. Try it out for urself. You'll be so grateful you did.