Confessions of a Mistress
This is a super tough blog for me to write. Before begin to pour out my soul, I need to admit to myself that I forgive me for attracting all that i have attracted into my life. I forgive everyone involved for not behaving as I wanted them to behave. I release them all. I welcome abuncae to reign down upon me, like never before. Mote it be. And so it is. Ashe...
So, yesterday, Ahmyah and I were getting in some much needed Mommy daughter time. We watched "Guess Who", feeding off eachother's energy. She has a stuffed doggie named Elijah (her Dad is Ely) and I have a stuffed doggie named Jonathan. We enjoyed quality time while energetically feeding the men of our lives healing energy, in an effort to heal all fer, shame and guilt we have accumulated over the years. We were about an hour and 25 mins in, when I received a call from *Ms. Sue, *Toya's Bonus mother.
I was warned that Toya came to her place of employment to confront her about our friendship. The request was for Ms. Sue to stop befriending both me and my King. A bunch of other things came out.If you care to catch up, you can follow @_HelloMyNameIsAngela on Instagram. I wrote some very tell all posts last night because I am very concerned for me and my 2 children's safety. Toya is my King's wife. Before she left yesterday's meeting w/Ms. Sue, she flipped the table over, threw an object and did it all in front of her own 2 children. Her father physically witnessed it all. He even had to grab her to prevent her from doing more damage. Toya aggression is incomprehensible. I believe she is a threat to herself and her children.
This woman is in the education business. She works with special needs children. I am speechless right now, just witnessing the condition our community and the people in it are actually in inspires my heart to be heavy
LAst night, I was too hurt to cry about it. So I posted until I fell asleep.
Today, I rose early and went for a walk. I blasted KING's album (Click here to listen: https://bit.ly/2NX61vG) and I danced as I walked down Awakening street. As i watched my shadow dance, many ideas came to mind.
I joined energy with Toya and allowed myself to feel her feelings. As I always have. I felt her insecure energy. From her assessment of me, as a creature, then as a woman. In her eyes, I appear to be her competition. We are a year apart. Similar education, looks, interests and man. However, our hearts were always very different.
I see all our differences. Which allows me to see our similarities. I have been doing this with this woman for the 11+ yrs she been in my life. We've never been on good terms. It's always been about competition, anger and aggression with her. It's the empath in me that insists on seeing goodness hidden in all this messiness. I considered the reality that her Mom is an ex-crackhead. Just as my biological father is. I know what it's like to get lost in your insecurities and wanna protect yourself by any means necessary. I also know what it's like to awaken from that kind of reality.
I failed to establish boundaries until recently. Because of my lack of boundaries, I attracted many unfortunate realites to myself. Toya yelled that I was a felon yesterday. She don't know me nor my legal history. She admitted that she sent me to the hospital. Last year, I came out posting about the Black magic I was experiencing at the hands of my King, his Mom, his Sister, Toya and her Mom. If you have been following my story, you know how intense it has been. From arguments, to being kicked out, to a mental hospital stay, staying in the Miami Projects, as well as a bando before eventually making it home to my parents house. I did all this to keep my family together. It was tough living across the country from my King. We have a family and it functions much better when we are together. I sacrificed my personal safety just so my King and my children could feel supported and unified. Ey, I'm O-, and hella intense. What more can I say...!?
Coming home forced me to stop running. I still have yet to know what my own home feels like. However, I'm finally over my fear and ready to explore. Something tells me one day soon, I'll know exactly what my own home feels like.
I've decided I am finally done running away from the things I fear. I don't know exactly how to live on my own, so I have been focused on always being paired up with someone. For once, I'm ready to explore independence.
Nothing but love is real. Speaking up about Black Magic and sharing my experiences for how I have survived it may not make complete sense to some. And that's ok. The people who get it, we have a lot of healing to do.
Thank you for accepting my truth and this day late blog. I been gong thru a lot. Thanks for the love. To follow up with today's storyline, read today's blog for both My Twin Flame Journey and Alien Girl World.
Love n Lite Babes <3