Leo Sun Virgo Moon
Peace all. How ya'll be? I'm fuq'n tired. And a bit fed up. But totally at peace. Let's talk astrology then I'l tell y'all how I'm feelin. Perhaps then my riddle of life will make more sense.
So, we are in the thicke of Leo season. This is a very heart centric connection time of year. The Leo actually rules over the heart. When I give myself permission, I can recall. My maternal granny, who I am very close to, is a Leo. My sister right after me is a Leo. Our biological father is a Leo. Ely is a Leo. I have made some significant, beautiful, lifetime memories with them.
Whenever I argue with any of the above people, I go through a major devastation. Leo's innately get the spiritual laws of existence. They show me the beauty of their soul so easily. But when they get hurt, their ego becomes the new them. I suck at accepting fake ass realities. There doesn't happen to be a rule book. Plus, being fake is exhausting.
Virgos would have to be my favorite human, hands down. I initially fell in love with Virgo's growing up. Paying attention to my youngest sister. As a child, you could count on the Virgo to be honest af. This often got her in trouble. I watched her learn the process of shutting up while takin in all the lessons life was throwing her. She made it look easy, but I knew her journey. I vowed if I ever had a child, she'd have to be a girl & have the essence of both of my sisters. But the casing of my Virgo sister. My wish came true twice. First a girl, then a boy.
My son was born on my Mom's Dad's Borniversary. I don't know much about him but rumors of the violent past & stories of drug addiction. I heard his Mom was mean af. My son has always seemed to sensitive to handle super intense, dense energy. The older my son gets, the more I choose to believe this man has goodness within himself. Itcs just hidden right now.
My King is a Virgo. Very nurturing. Loving. Embracing. He's literally the perfect man to raise a conscious family with. He's extremely giving. Bc he never learned how to love himself fully, he often gives from an empty cup. He journeys to seek attention when the only one that can really satisfy is craving is him.
I'm a lot of woman to handle. My mouth has always gotten me in trouble. Because of this, he runs & hides in the pussy of others. It's just for cheap thrills. He's not usually honest about this. I suspect cheating. After so long of wishing & praying for a better feeling reality, I find me a new dude to entertain. Not to piss off my man. But to replace him.
My constant prayer was always for me to learn the lessons of love with one partner. My King was the 1st and only man I opened this reality to. A handful of men became my escape in our 12 yrs together. They all knew about my King & my terms. I wanted cheap thrills so I could feel better & be able to handle the crazy bs from my union. These men were revivors. Recessitators even. Without them, I woulda been gave up on love.
It's not like these men became cheerleaders for my King. On the contrary actually. They wanted his spot. Which allowed me to see jealousy in all forms. It ssemed like my King recognized everytime anyone spoke to me. His alertness was kinda cute. When it turned controlling & aggressive. Focused on what wasn't about to embarrass him, reality took a turn. After major fights, I'd just wanna be alone. These other men helped me realize there's nothing healing that happens in total isolation. They took me on adventures my King never found interesting. I'm an artsy chick. My King, not so much. My dips, all day.
Getting rid of them was more about me facing myself than me appeasing to my King' demands. I noticed how when I felt vulnerable w/my King, I'd have a few dudes I could call who would tell me what I needed to hear. They had different energy. N served seperate purposes. Bottom line, they always reminded me of where home was. Which is how I got to my state of gratitude when I felt low af.
In the past, I have found myself behaving exactly like my Mom in the heat of situations between me and others. Leos & Virgos especially. Yelling and allowing my feelings to dictate the words that come out of my mouth. Before you know it, I'm passing out judgements like candy, presenting it as my truth.
I'm still learning how to make peace with my truth. Sunday, I wrote these long ass heart centered posts on FB to release the bondage from my heart related to BD1. I love my Leo relationships. I am no longer willing to hold anyone in contempt, in my own heart. This feels empowering and safe. However, I am totally walking with my eyes closed right now.
Here are the links to those posts:
I picked up some blue dragon kush after work Saturday night. That's when the thoughts of eternal release began to come in. My focus was my King.
I miss him in ways I can't even verbalize. We are both on a journey to complete our soul's yearning. From time to time, we suprise one another reminding each other of what we mean to one another. It's a beautiful reality when he initiates because he is so covered up. Lately, I have been learning what I've always wanted to know. It feels incredible, yet fake af. Now is the time where I must stand my ground and actually speak my truth.
My King and I been down since 2006. I got preggers a year later. Had the baby the following year. I was so focused on not running him away, which I felt like I did initially. I have always hyped up any move he made, because I felt like the melanin-rich man didn't have enough support. There is a such thing as being too supportive. Unfortunately, I learned that the hard way. Now he's missing an illusion.
I feel quite accomplished to be a man's dream woman. I went out of my way to be accepting of a beautiful man. Thinking I could love him enough for whatever he needs. Really, it was my excuse to not love myself. I was so preoccupied with putting my children and my man ahead of myself. While rocking roles that other criticized. That I manifested a very dark time in my life. However, it was a very beautiful time of support for my King. That's the power of duality.
These days, I find it valuable to focus on feeding my own worth. It feels good to stand my ground. Unfortunately, my truth isn't being received as well as I would have hoped. Still, I am connected to my illusion of peace. I am being vulnerable and sticking around instead of running away. However, I have standards. I can receive tough truths, as long as you are not being malicious & fulla ill intent.
These are the days of me seeing my own mirror's reflection. To read the intense messages I posted a year ago, is intense. I can receive how my truth could inspire people to feel. I'd love to discuss it and heal so we can move on as a unit. If not, I'm still healing myself. Once I am my better self, I will remember who to avoid so I don't repeat the same lessons I'm currently evolving from.
In the same token, I am committed to not running away. Like I usually do. I'm so anti-conflict, I usually throw my hands up, walk away and become mute and frozen. I love my King so much. I can't do that. We have all this white noise around us manifesting conflicts that are illusions of the truth of our union. Involving other people more than us. The easiest thing to do is to judge my reality as too problematic for me and skate off. But, what would I gain from that?
Learning to stick around is not easy. However, it is my best choice. Even thou I have boundaries now, my love still has no limit nor condition. I don't know very many people that can say that and mean it. Right now, my heart feels confident that I am manifesting my best life, given the reality I have chosen for myself. No matter what, I still see abundance and joy for all. Because in my world, everyone loves everyone unconditionally.
In my world, BD1 communicates with BD2 and guides him to notice the things he struggles with, involving me. I see BD2 doing the same for BD1. No sense of competition. But a sense of brotherly love. Support. Comradery. In my World, we support one another. So, that's the world I choose to focus on.
Here was a key vid to help me stay in my right mind. Enjoy:
Here's the message the Angels had for me 2day:
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Love n Lite Sugas <3