New Moon, New Intentions
Peace Babes. How ya'll be? I'm alllll the way in my feelings. Hence the T.I. themed blog title. Today, I woke up feeling released and free, but heavy and kinda sad. Lemme share my thoughts, and see if I can make some sense of myself...
I've been on a very deep soul healing journey for a while now. This past year has been really intense. I left my King. We been down a dozen years. The thought of living a life separate from him had me feeling all weighed down and heavy. Plus the family issues I had been running from since childhood. It don't take much to get me in my feelings. Your reading the blog of a being born with 6 planets in retrograde. My sensitivities are next level. My feelings have been hurt concerning my family, not only from childhood related issues, but also because they sent me to the mental hospital just last year. I made the best of the experience, and learned to make peace in a 3D reality I totally disagreed with. My spiritual 5D sef is still quite guarded. Simply because I don't comprehend. It feels like so much is simply not said. Taking daily spiritual baths for 6 months, siting in the tub for 4-6 hrs at a time is how I balanced my mind. It silenced my inner chatter. It was also the 1st time I gave myself permission to just be.
I cried a lot during this time. I was being forced to face my greatest nightmare. The love of my life, not loving or wanting me. One of the last things he said to me the last time we saw one another was that I was not desirable. I didn't know how to take that. It made me feel ugly. Like some good for nothing tramp with 2 kids who would never find love. That was the energy I felt like my King was giving me back then. On tough days, I still feel it. Those are the days I meditate uber heavy. I'm a fighter by nature. I use love as my weapon of choice. I'm healing from an acid overload I been suffering with since birth, thanks to the baby formula I was fed.
I was balancing feelings of anger and violence. Replaying my King's words in my head resulted in one side of me wantin to hit him in his mouth for talkin shit. While the other side was terrified he as tellin the truth. I didn't get many whoopings as a child, however, I can honestly say that the times I have felt most intimidated, I wanted to swoll up on whomever, and make them give me the respect I felt I deserved in that moment. This was encouraged by the people around me. I'm sheltered, but I'm from Chicago. I have bucko aggressive ways to heal about myself. According to my natal chart, I don't have an ego. However, astrology says at least 1/2 of the Gemini psyche has an ego, as a part of the mental makeup of self.
I cried like a baby when our son told me he wanted to go live with his Dad. I was busy being the revolutionary, karmic, Libra balancer. I was afraid people would mistreat my son in my absence. I left Miami with a helluva explosion. I had to swallow my pride, face my fear and allowed our son to journey with his Dad. I learned that my son's choice was not a rejection of my love. He simply needed time to be with his father. Which I honestly respect. My son established boundaries with me as his Mom, which I majorly respect. My love can be quite suffocating. Especially when I'm attached to the illusion of fear.
If I grew up spending quality time with my Father, I'd be a whole other Being today. I have resentment that runs so deep that some days I wake up and challenge myself to be quiet as much as possible, as long as possible. Before I became responsible with my energy, I would wake up in a bad mood and argue with everyone around me because of it. Then blame them for the reality I manifested and punish myself because I felt guilty for doing that. I was a true basket case. All because I was too busy thinking about others, I forgot to think of myself. Our thoughts create our World. It's my honor to do anything I can to afford anyone I can with my bought sense.I am healing form massive memories of rejection. It feels horrible and majorly distracting. October 8, 2018, we had a new moon in Libra. Making now a beautiful time for new beginnings.
Fall is here and the energy is excited. The harvest from our crops are coming in. Any energy outside of unconditional love can manifest a sweet dream to a beautiful nightmare. Making now the best time for a release ritual. Take the time to write out separate letters to people you need to forgive. Speak from your heart and honor your truth. Burn a yellow 7 day spiritual candle and make peace with the words you write. Continue to mediate daily. Burn your letters. Turning the paper into ashes sends your message to the ethers. Believe that what you wrote out is already done. Float on the energy of what life would feel like if you manifested the peace you are currently manifesting. And that, is what we call alchemy.
Now's a beautiful time to learn. Click the links and get lost in this new aged knowledge of self.
Mercury in Libra
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