Jumpin into my week liiikkke
Peace Babes.
How ya’ll be? I am writing this post on the eve of Monday (Sunday). Oddly enough, I feel refreshed yet fed up.
Last week was a doozie for me emotionally. Although I was tested, I did not allow my inner child to steal the show. My adult self had some hurt feelings. Which I gave myself permission to feel, write about and release. So all my drama had peaceful endings. Still, I can’t help but look at myself sideways. Wondering wtf I be on…
For the past couple of weeks, I have been sharing the heaviness on my heart from dating much older, melanin-deficient men, who appear to be cool. But really be on the pussy haunt. Just like the many of the melanin-rich and everyone who falls in-between. I’ve had enough of that. I don’t even physically enjoy sex. Thankfully, my STD test results came back as negative, thank fuq’n goodness! All the alkaline, plant based healing, day to day living stuff I do on the regular. I was like, body, don’t fail me now! I can’t express what a relief it is to factually know I am 100% sexually healthy.
I shared my test results with the dude that brought his burning pee-pee to my attention. I requested an apology. Although our private conversation leading up to the STD testing was peaceful, it stung like a knife and kinda hurt my feelings. That’s when ol dude lost it. He talked to me like I was the dirtiest bitch in the woods. Like I should be counting my lucky stars that he laid with me. The nerve of this dude was truly applauding and very triggering. Suddenly, I was reminded of the pimp minded, crackhead games men played with me throughout my teenage yrs into my 20s. I was focused on not allowing my inner child out. But boi, was it tough!
I politely told the guy how his comments inspired me to feel. I kept it vanilla and straight to the point. At one point, our convo reminded me of a teenage imprint from the drug dealer I gave my virginity to. That dude was a mutha fuqa. I was kinda struggling between balancing old school memories and being present in my current reality (of pure fuqery). When I was a teenager and hanging out with my drug dealin luvah, he inspired me to feel like shit. I felt like it was my personal responsibility to kept having sex with him because all of my friends lost their virginity and had chaotic romantic relationships. I fit right in. However, I was miserable and plottin my escape. I felt like a parishioner of my own feelings. I knew a time would approach, I’d be fed up to the brim and never turning back. I was so in love with him because he was the rebel my parents worked hard to keep me from. He reminded me of my father, which is why my patience ciest to exist. My drug dealin luvah was havin a love affair with one of my other neighbors. She was a down ass white girl, who’s brother was bestie’s with my brother. She would carry his baby soon after. It was a whole Maury Show. Which manifested a whole dysfunctional love imprint I would spend over 20 years learning from. The dude with the burning dick reminded me of these thoughts… Which is why I needed to remain present.
I shared this memory with Mr. Burning Pee-pee. He told me I was talking around the point, called me a bitch (several times, Mrs. Wellington) and told me I burned him. Cuz he knows his body. He never mentioned speakin to all his other sexual partners. I don’t judge, but I do pay attention. I told all 4 of the men I slept with since Jon & I broke up. I could have kept it to myself. However, I felt they should be aware. It felt like Mr. Burnin Pee-pee was attempting to find a way to blame his sexual issues on me and my body. In spite of my test results. Which brings me to another point we’ll be covering this week, voodoo.
Voodoo is simply living out the wishes of another. These wishes may be based off your personal fear, shame and/or guilt. Spells work because the “victim” willed the spell to work. By constantly thinking about whatever. Remember, what we think most, we must manifest. Overstanding the psychology of voo-doo allows us to heal the myth that someone else has more power over us. Each one of us only have power over ourselves. The mind is a powerful tool. For example, I suspect that I have plenty of spells put on me. I can tell from my various nearly fatal childhood experiences. Those only happened because I was kinda treading the fence of suicide for so long,, even back then. Especially back then.
One of the biggest curses I’ve had to overcome this lifetime is related to sex. I was told on several occasions by serval readers that I would get raped. I had countless lucid dreams where I faced my attacker and beat his mf ass! Which helped my mind to feel victorious. I changed my energy, making it too high for a predator to invade my body. All the while, I told myself I was physically unattractive. Some people would agree, but they usually always loved my body. Outsiders loving my body caused me to hate it and shame myself. This is my 1st human life experience. I can be quite emotional. My anxiety prevented me from trusting outsiders. Which protected me from the sexual curses I was born attached to. It also forced me to become a prisoner of my own body. Which I am just now beginning to heal and address.
Before I can manifest my love union with my husband, who will be a God I must transform myself into a Godis. No man, woman nor child can save me. Only I can save myself. I am sitting in my bed, typing this entry, making peace with the reality that I am living the life I used to only visualize during my miniature meditations. This whole fake it til you make it approach to spirituality got me WiNNinG! I instruct public and private classes, reminding women the greatness of their existence, by mastering controlling their own bodies, leading by example. I manifest experiences at the places I privately envision partnering with. Twerking, of all things… My parents still privately have heart attacks because of my choices. I don’t care. I’m happy and figuring life out. Not everyone gets my journey. Not everyone is happy for me. And that’s ok.
I believe that I am entitled to the love my dreams. So I do. Unapologetically. I am giving myself permission to remember that I am still dreaming right now. 36 years of living and I know good and well what I don’t want. I’m finally ready to focus on what I do want.
Although last week was a tough one in my personal Loveland, I did connect better with myself. I’m getting closer to me. Instead of question my behavior, labeling it and accuse myself of ultimately being no good. I accept that my love is still being adjusting.
On the bright side, this week will be fulla cool blogs on self connection. So we all winn! So Imma chill, in my cute outfits, smokin on the last of my roll-ups and enjoy this nu nu twerk playlist. I’m ready fa whateva, or whateva
Did you know I’m having a twerk themed, life celebration? It’s tru. Are you a woman grateful to have made it this far in life? Bring your body to Vegas March 1,2 & 3 and sign up for our celebration, which is really a dope ass workout founded on recreating the participant inside and out. Click the link and get ready for a soul rejuvenating, chakra awakening that based on your love for yourself.
Can’t wait to see ya.
https://www.hellomynameisangela.com/shop
This week’s blogs causes for some meditation. Enjoy the sounds. Enjoy the knowledge:
Meditation: https://youtu.be/q6kkYi8Pi2Q
New YouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/2ADBxKf
PayPal Info: paypal.me/TwerkNToneInc
5 Random Links
Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment: https://bit.ly/2SRU2l3
Guatemalan devil experiment:: https://bit.ly/2Fre3fn
Hub spot Marketing-IG: https://bit.ly/2D1Vig5
Planetary Overview: https://bit.ly/2CYNDz0
Keto Ultra Surgery: https://bit.ly/2RKRW9p