Bloody Reality
Peace Babes. How ya’ll be? Me? I’m a-ok. Like many of you, I have been trigger like a mo-fo. More so last week than usual. Thankfully, I meditate. Often. I know I’m not alone. The formation of the stars is forcing us to be a bit more on edge than normal. The blood moon, lion of Judah, super moon, lunar eclipse happens 1.20/1.21.19 (depending on you time zone)is the reason behind the triggers. According to timeanddate.com, the eclipse will officially begin around 6:36PM PST and continue until 11:48pm PST. The total eclipse begins and 8:41pm PST. This stunning eclipse will be visible to both North and South America. The next eclipse of this caliber, visible to North America won’t happen again until 2022.
Sky watchers in North America will get a celestial treat when the moon goes into eclipse and turns blood red. A version of the same thing happened last year, but it wasn’t visible from the US. I tracked it online and took screenshots of the images because it was so dazzling to me. Last year was the 1st time I learned to focus on the sky and stars, instead of my bleeding heart.
Last year, I was making peace with my son moving back with his Dad, across the country from me and his sister. I felt like my son’s Dad was too emotionally irresponsible. I feared our son’s well being because the people in Miami are not as emotionally mature as me. I feared they wouldn’t know the proper way to guide my sensitive child.
I was triggered by memories of my traumatic experiences. Throwing myself a pity party was no longer allowed. My son left because he couldn’t handle my recurring explosive bursts or anger. He was having a tough time dealing with his parents breaking up. I had to learn how to heal my fears, and not bleed my acidic energy over to my son. Otherwise, I was destined to birth his nightmares, fueled with fear, shame and/or guilt.
Around this time, a mutual friend of our was getting married. Everything I saw online was so beautiful. Which inspired so much anger in me. My anger was my own truly fear, shame and guilt I was not dealing with. I kinda, sorta, a lil bit, wanted to get married. My BD (baby daddy) is the only man I have ever considered. Reliving traumatic memories from things I failed to speak up on. Remembering the arguments and fights from the things I refused to remain quite over. The constant feeling of loneliness. Feeling invisible, unimportant and valueless… my blood was boiling because I wanted to blame my BD fro my own manifestation. I was resentful af for everything we had been through. Determined to healed, I became a posting foo! Typing all my lil hurt feelings into my Instagram account. I was giving myself permission to face situations I ran away from when I was in that relationship.
I felt like I could literally FeeL the energy of the other women around my BD. It felt like them and him were talkin shit about me, making excuses for why I behaved the way I do. My BD and I were not on talking term back then. I just suspected he was creating a whole new life, pretending I never existed. While raising our son. This was also the time I got back into eating acid. My emotions reflected my poor choices in food.
I suspected my BD was joining the convos of others defaming my character and I became hella defensive. So we argued a lot. I was very concerned with what others thought of me back then. I felt like I needed justice! My heart was hurting with every breath I took. My imagination showed me a reality I was not ok with. What did I do? 1st, I became a posting fool & posted every thought I had for him and them, with the intention of fueling myself with love once I released my anger. Things got complicated form there. So I went to my 2nd step, which was reading my natal chart and learning astronomy. My chart was reminding me of my truth. Reminding me of the reason I came to Earth. Peace was finding me and I was grateful. Being fighting mad all the time is exhausting.
Mutual ppl my BD and I know told my BD about my posts. And BaM! My healing experience was distracted by my BD callin me names, yelling and hurting my feelings. I went into my downward spiral of self pity. Blaming myself for the corruption and demise of our union. The things my BD would say would just echo in my head. His messages matched the messages of so many family members. Especially my Mom. I became extra resentful, while taking ownership of his actions. Just as I had done for my Mom all of my life. It was a very dark, confusing time for me and both of my babies. Meanwhile, my BD was so emotionally detached, I was convinced he didn’t have feelings, a heart nor compassion. Shit, I was convinced the man wasn’t even human…
I know I am not the only 1 who ping pongs between healthy and unhealthy thoughts. Especially concerning matters of the heart. All galactic activity represent what we wrote before our souls joined our current human avatar. Our natal charts are our written records. This is what “it is written” is all about. All eclipses represent karmic endings and new beginnings. The lunar eclipse represent a time where we are forced to change in an inward way. Observe the ways we are failing ourselves and heal the patterns so we can begin anew.
So often, we want to focus on other people and the way they “make us feel”. 1. We can only control ourselves.
2. Feelings are sensatory sensations that prevent us from flowing.
3. Everything outside of us represents what’s within us. Period.
It’s totally realistic to be triggered by others these days. Triggers only represent emotional responses to childhood experiences we have yet to make peace with. Deep within that trauma is a golden lesson. The objective is to find and honor it. This week, we will discuss the science of discovering oneself. What are you most excited to learn about yourself?
Today’s Links:
Eclipse Time Tracker: https://bit.ly/2Q2EzfK
Heard About Us: https://bit.ly/2S1WnfW
Space.com Eclipse report: https://bit.ly/2HndXqT
Periscope meditation & enlightenment chat 1.20.19: https://bit.ly/2FEKert
Lunar Eclipse Video: https://bit.ly/2U7N2AW
Follow me on Social media:
Periscope/Twitter: @TwerkOutWorkOut
Instagram: @HelloMyNameISAngela (mind hacks and manifestation tips)
@TwerkNTone (health and wellness)
Facebook: Ms.TwerkNTone