Up, Up To The Sky
So, all this week, I been puffin on a Blueberry strand that has relaxed me damn near instantly. Upon my 1st inhalation, I could taste the light, sweet flavor of blueberry. The cotton mouth this stand exudes is unreal, which guided me to drink the proper amount of water daily. That resulted in me receiving many sacred messages from beyond via my meditation time.
My depression feels managed. However, this was a huge week of emotional tests for me. Which resulted in me speaking honestly about my attraction to suicide since my early childhood years. I was also hella honest about the way I truly communicate with my parents. Which mirrors the toxic way I communicate with all those closest to me. Including my Baby Daddy's.
I went from rolling up one day, thinking how tf did I attract my life? To making peace with all life surrounded me with. Smoking in silence was a thing. Until I decided to face my feelings. Then life began dishing out lessons. I'm grateful to have survived. It's been rough.
Usually, when life is forcing me to make peace with emotions I have yet to honor, I become a bitch! I have the biggest attitude. Smiles get misunderstood. It's only because I'm hyper focusing so much on my inside self, I'm failing to balance the rest of my existence. Which includes interacting w/others.
I have a nearly 10 yr old son who is just as sensitive as I am. All the arguing he's witnessed has been extremely upsetting to him. In addition to me unapologetically changing our whole family's life. It's hard to find peace in such a reality bc so many people find peace in shifting blame. Imagine being a child and learning all this for the 1st time. It can lead to eternal resentment and a life full of lessons. Therefore, I treat him with CBD oil, meditation, therapeutic convos, and we are working on the foods he eats. We talk about the media he entertains & that allows me to innerstand him a lot deeper. On August 4, he's goin to his 1st concert. Chris Brown. I'm sooo excited.
There are stress factors begging me to pay attention to them. Which I find to be a waste of time. I choose not to fear the unknown. Instead, I play with it. The 4th is next week. Life insists I become distracted with all this Worldly drama. I disagree. Lemme tell y'all what my heart sees:
My children & I awaken and rise early for the day. We meditate, exercise and drink smoothies as a family. Then we get dressed. Uber picks us up and we go to the reflexologist for a full body rub down. Then we head to the Indian store/restaurant for a vegetarian lunch/dinner. We head back home, take a nap. Then Ayden and I get dressed in a brand new outfit w/matching shoes and we enjoy his 1st concert in peace. Together. He has a great, epic experience. He even makes it back stage to bond w/Breezy (Chris Brown).
My son is just as sensitive as his Mommy. I'm honored to learn how to treat myself nicer. Now I know how to raise my son. It's rubbing off on the way I treat all children in my life. My daughter represents my new start in the flesh. It's always been easy to communicate with her because we function the same. My son is more about the depths of me. The part I usually run & hide from is my son's essence. I don't fear my child. Therefore, I no longer fear myself. My son represents the unity & unconditional love that must exist between a male and female. I'm honored to learn from him.
This is a time when our inner child is comin through and shining bright. I'm healing from believing children need to be shrunken when adults see growth. I've always been great at forgiveness. Not so good at severing ties. Especially if the relationship is a close one.
Not everyone heals the same. As I journey into the reality I've built from scratch. One that feels good. I will not look back and judge. I will continue looking forward and smile.
I'm healing. It's effecting my children. Healin has led me to self forgiveness. Which is a result of self love. We are changing for the better and I'm writing about our awakening experience, as a family. I'm grateful to share this insight w/all of you.
When your own life hurts too much for you to take it seriously, roll up a Blueberry joint in RAW papers & ask yourself what you can do, right now, to make yourself happy. The result may shock you.
Blueberry was a dope strand to discover while I make peace with my depression. Learn more about the strand here:
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Thank u LuvBugs. Love n Lite