Nurturing VS Unconditional Love
I often say, I’m a Gemini sun, Libra moon & Libra rising. I am 100% masculine energy. Add on my intellect & the fact that I’ve been working since 15 and you get the logic behind some of the aggressive the habits I’ve developed.
My King is a Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon, Scorpio rising. Although he’s one of most manly men I kno, 2 of his 3 signs are feminine energy. That’s why we made such a beautiful team. My honest assessment is I lack the ability to nurture & he lacks the ability to unconditionally love. There are 5 children hanging in the balance. Where do we go from here?
When my children & I moved to Miami last year, we were beyond excited. My King was as well. We’ve been together over 10 years & most of our relationship, we’ve been apart. Moving 2 his city changed all this & we were excited!
We flew down on the 1st day of school. He picked us up from the airport. Had food waiting. I was smaller then & extremely nervous & overwhelmed. He calmed me & loved me to wellness. Together, we worked out the most ideal schedule for our children. We had the perfect family system. I was responsible 4 awakening them & getting them ready 4 school. Once they were off, my King & I studied private law subjects & planned our future. He’d cook, I’d clean. We’d play with the children together. They had shower time, family time then off to bed I went He & I made a good team. His ability to nurture kept the house sound. My ability to love unconditionally kept the love flowing.
My King & I were on & off regarding getting along. I’m sensitive 2 energy & asked maad questions about unseen realities. He treated me like I was feeling these realities alone. He’d call me crazy & I’d believe him.
Our thoughts are comprised of our parents DNA & our food. Emotionally, I was eattin myself into a constant state of numbness, not realizing what I was doing. Logically, I began studying meditation & incorporating that into our lives.
To add insult to injury, we lived with my King’s Mom. I believe in the healing power of generational living. I’m grateful for the opportunity to live with both my parents and his Mom. Both sides offered invaluable lessons. However, accepting & applying either his Mom or my parents suggestions was just overwhelmingly annoying. Many of there suggestions are rooted in pain and limitation. Still, they were lessons nonetheless. After a few months, I couldn’t continue faking what I truly despised. So a lot of things went down. I was separated from my children & my King, forced 2 journey on my own.
My King did a beautiful job loving both of my children alone. He fulfilled all the basic requirements they were used to. I didn’t see them as often as I would have liked, but I know that’s because my painbody was so gargantuan, it would have swallowed them whole. It was refreshing to see how much I could depend on my King. My 9 & 12 yr old babies were prevented from experiencing their Mom’s unconditional love on a daily basis. This was a tough reality to adjust to and we lived it for 3 months. Both of my children have acquired a massive amount of resentment towards me because of all of this.
As much as I wanna stand on & justify everything I’ve experienced since June, I must admit that I dragged my whole family through this path of illumination & awakening without their permission. My unconditional love for them made the choice for me. My King is a silent Virgo who finds comfort in untruthful realities. Being my shoulder during this whole bit required him to hold his truth to himself, resulting in more untruths for us to live through. His nurturing abilities carried this whole family when we couldn’t carry ourselves. Both he & I used our super powers to the highest extent. Now we’re burnt out, resentful, heartbroken & still unbalanced.
We’re 7 months in now. Exhausted, annoyed and overwhelmed sum up the energy of our whole family. The energy between he & I is so stale… I’m super tempted to burn the bridge between us, light a joint and keep it pushin. My heart is frozen. My children are older, so I can no longer lie by omission. I’m hella resentful & just don’t wanna be touched these days. I’m fully engaged in learning & elevating myself. But, I have 2 children who need me.
It’s 1 thing to love my children with no limit. I talk to, read & meditate with them. All that is cool, but it’s not nurturing. I have to remember to touch them. To hug them. Kiss them. Hold their hand. I must treat my children the way I wanna be treated & I have not been doin that lately.
This has been a tough life lesson, but I get it. So much damage has been done regarding all the relationships that mean something to me. Still, I’m completely connected to being the deliberate, intentional creator I am. I desire transmute all the pain in my life so I may enjoy peace. Today was a beautiful day of growth, led by tears. I cried with both of my babies on my chest this Rising. I asked the Angels of Love & Light to enter my body, remove my parasites, transmute them. Transmute the dense energy in my life in a painless way that feels incredible and let me know when everything is finished. No sign yet, but I’m patient and determined.
If you are a wombman, enduring a tough reality in these present times, be conscious about your energy. Be conscious of your ability to allow your pain to overrule your world. I almost made the same error. Meditation saved me. If your struggling too, now’s the perfect time for you to meditate as well. See the reality you desire, not the one you fear. Clean your auric field and change your World. We currently offer Hyssop and Yoni Steams spiritual baths, which will serve the whole family. Hyssop & my babies saved me from myself today. May the same reality be afforded to all of you. Love & Light Beautiful Tribe ❤🔆