Hey Young World
Peace Young World. This is a special blog, dedicated to the Youth. Rock with me while I spill my heart. Perhaps along the way, we'll discover a truth that comforts us all. Feel free to read the message and if you know a child that can benefit from this blog, please share it.
So, how y’all be? Me? I’m very concerned about each of you. I am extremely nervous by nature and often times behave accordingly. This blog is a dedication to innerstanding the nature behind my existence. In an effort to be the change I wanna see. I was inspired to create this site because of my children. Allow me to explain.
June 2, 2017, I literally awoke and told myself I would no longer be fake. I had gone through about 10 years of agreeing with the perspective of others. In an effort to save my family. I ended up having a baby with the man I'd only been dating a year. I came into that relationship with a daughter. So we were a blended family automatically. I enjoyed that because I was a young 20something yr old Mother who was very comfortable hiding in the shadow of being the caretaker for my sick child. That allowed the World to see how loving and nurturing I am. I attracted the man of my dreams during this time. He was in a committed relationship, so I gave myself permission to “have fun”. Well, that fun led to a baby. Which was a highly disappointing reality for both the other woman to and I deal with.
I’ve always loved my son’s Father behind comprehension. He was having a tough time balancing the reality of him having another baby with the new girl. I was the new girl. I felt the need to prove myself. My son’s Dad was very mean to me back then. I felt I deserved such treatment because I had somebody else’s man’s baby in my stomach. I was disgusted with myself. So, I accepted the mistreatment of others that reflected my own self hate. Shortly after my son’s birth, I decided to give up my career and move across country from Las Vegas to Miami.
Being in Miami alone was a culture shock for me.
I’m from Chicago. Miami reminded me of a more Tropical version of my home. The warm weather was the perfect coverup for the emotional coldness that circulated throughout not only the city. But seemingly the people as well. Adjusting to this environment and pretending to love everything I was a part of required me to sacrifice my voice. I felt the sacrifice was worth it. I’d been told I had a big mouth all my life. I wanted my children to reap the benefits of having a Mom who knew how to stay in her place. My voice is a part of who I am. Losing my voice resulted in me loosing myself.
Remaining in my union was extremely tough. I did things like focus on my sick daughter, who suffered with chronic stages of eczema, allergies and asthma. Or school. Or homemaking stuff. I was putting in all my energy and effort into being a dope house Mom. But I was struggling. I had been working since I was 15. I was 26. A new Mom for the 2nd time. Working above and beyond to just figure out life and make it simple. I saw the white picket fence, the 2 car garage and maybe even a dog. My son’s Father said he wanted the same reality. Which was challenging to accept because he married and impregnated the 1st girlfriend while playing house with me.
There was so much I wanted to say, on behalf of myself. I knew fully expressing my truth would cost me everything. Especially my family. So I settled for constant arguments and a ridiculous amount of sex so my son’s Father and I could give off the illusion that we were a happy, functioning couple/family. In reality, we were not. The whole time, I felt like I was being mistreated by his family and friends. I felt like his family all indirectly accused me of being a homewrecker. His friends allows me to cry on their shoulder. Which had me feelin like the biggest victim ever. My son’s Dad would whisper in my ear to ignore all outside chatter. They didn't know us, nor comprehend what we were going through. Which sounded good. But he would be out of town, attending to his other family. I would be surrounded by his family who took on the roles of cackling hyenas. Outwardly laughing at my misfortunes.
My 13 yr old daughter went through a lot of emotional trauma the whole time. He biological Father and I have had a strained relationship since her birth really. He ghosted us both after having a tough time accepting the birth of my son. Our daughter was 3. Over the past 6 yrs, he has been active. But very distant. I have been the constant in our daughter’s life. So she feels comfortable lashing out at me in time of intense emotional pain. WHich can be oftenish... She recently admitted to me that she cut herself while combating suicidal thoughts one day. Inside, I shattered. Outside, I remained calm. It takes a special brand of strength for a child to admit the their own self abuse. My daughter and I have been doing concentrated energy work every since. Willow Smith admitted the same reality last season on The Red Table (click here to review https://bit.ly/2LnttRt)
Things like daily meditation, taking spiritual baths and journaling make all the difference in both of our World’s. We still have tough days. Instead of fight one another while running away like so many other mother/daughter pairs. We give each other permission to feel, while remaining honest and present. We are healing our issues with abandonment with one another. We usually like to be a bit more affectionate on these tougher emotional days. As my daughter’s Mom, it’s beautiful to watch her grow and play an active role in her personal development. As a detached observer, I can’t believe someone like her even exists. She is the most profound artist and expresses herself beautifully through her art. She has massive karmic lives behind her. She incarnated as a triple time Virgo (Virgo sun, moon and rising). Giving me yet another reason to respect my female child.
My son had a much tougher time acceptin the reality I was manifesting. Back when the explosions 1st began, we were living in his Grandmother’s house, in Miami. There was plenty of he said/she said circulating. Both of my children are Virgos. Virgos are the Divine Feminine of the zodiac. Divine Feminine are the image of perfection women were created to be. Virgos are heavily influenced seeking the acceptance of others. Our whole life was crumbling before our eyes and I was the blame. Our family had perfected the illusion of appearing to be the example for what melanin-rich love could be, if you did the work. My son believed what his Dad and I manifested. Unfortunately, I did not.
It was tough to walk away, but I did. Both Gemini (me) and Virgo (both of my children and my son’s father) are ruled by the planet Mercury. Which is the planet of communication. I believe in the destroy rebuild process and I totally applied that to the structure of my family. My tactics were very outlandish and quite Gemini, which can be an intense reality for the Virgo to accept. My son decided to live with his Dad for a while, after relocating with me. He stayed gone for about 7 months. Which was a much needed break for the both of us. We both had a chance to confront our pain. My son came back over the Summer. He flew back with the his Dad’s wife. Who is like a familiar stranger to my son. Ultimately, my son was left in the airport unattended when it was confirmed that I was in the vicinity. It’s rumored that this woman and her children are back in the same town these days. I used to work tirelessly to see how we could get our children to unite, in spite of our friction. To no avail. There’s so much friction between us, I no longer care to contribute to our children bonding experience of spending time with one another. Such common yet complex family structure is a tough reality to take for a 1st lifer, like my son. His complex makeup of Virgo sun, Capricorn moon and Sagg rising promises him a plethora of ego’s (bka- fictional sense of self) he can pick from. To keep him aware of himself, we discover the natal chart together. Comparing little notes of each of us, so he can see how unique, yet normal he is.
My greatest fear was people observing my children’s pain and accusing them of not being worthy of the pain they feel. Which is a version of what happened to me. To address and heal this fear I teach my children to honor their truth while being present and completely honest. I literally put honey under my tongue regularly so my truth can taste sweet enough to digest properly, no matter how honest my truth is. Things like meditations, honest family chats and journaling help us all see that we are in this thing called life together. Which simultaneously addresses our fears of abandonment. A fear we were born with.
My 13 yr old daughter keeps me tuned into the teenage World. Turns outs the number of suicides have increased since I was a child. Both my cousin Marvelous Madam and I are energy healers professionally, loves by nature. We have decided to join forces. Marvelous Madam is a dope tarot reader. Tarot cards are a beautiful resource to go to when living has become scarier than scary to survive. The cards don’t lie. Instead they offer a preview. If you are interested in a reading, follow her on IG and DM her.
Through this website, I am providing all the tools you need to strengthen your frontal lobe, heal your lower 3 chakras, allowing you to manifest the life you want. While healing, balancing and clearing personal fear, shame and/or guilt. Which is the highly scientific way of connecting to thyself. Feel free to read around this blog to discover my life lessons. Learn from my mess-ups and my come-ups. If you read something that works for you, share with someone and consider practicing speaking your own truth. Most stories start off with words and end up being a dope book, movie or tv show. I have no idea how many people I will inspire. Nor do I care. I am simply documenting my experience of saving myself. Imma be writing to the youth weekly until further notice.
Sometimes it feels like life is falling apart, which can seem scary. Things must often times fall apart so they can come together. Here is a dope video of Jada Pinkett Smith, sharing her truth with her family. The FB vid features WIll Smith, their daughter Willow and Jada's Mom. Then there is a interview from Youtube explaining what we are observing. Healing should feel like an incredible part of our living experience. Enjoy the tools that to make it all work.
Marvelous Madam IG pg
Follow me on SM and let me know how your journey is going.
IG: @_HelloMyNameIsAngela/ @TwerkNTone
FB: Hello My Name Is Angela
Love n Lite Beautiful Ones