The Week Ahead
Peace Babes. How ya’ll be? Me? I’m vibin higher than the sky. Yet I feel rather stuck. I worte this blog last weekend, yet it's just being posted. It's more important 4 me to check up on myself. Which means some deadlines are missed. I'm healing from being quite controlling and making peace that sometimes, life happens and that's ok.
I’m giving myself permission to see the love in all things. First, it was hella odd. Nothing I focused on seemed real, when I 1st started this journey. The more I practiced enjoying the experience of creating my own World, the better I became. Which effected the way people around me spoke of me. They called me crazy, selfish, 2 faced. I was perfectly fine ignoring all this mess. Till my main hittas started talkin the same noise. Then reality got merky.
That was the point I became my own Drake. Every time I had the mic, I was talkin bout 'I’m upset'. There was plenty for me to complain about. So I did. I also spoke of the silver lining in all realities. However, I was a full time Debbie Downer. I had to break away from everything and everyone I found normal. Separate myself from my addictions, which were the people I called my friends, food and weed. And commit to figuring out how to just be ok. I’m great at cutting people off. Food and weed are a bit more tricky. So I fast. Regularly.
I’ve been chasing acceptance since I was a young child. Acceptance became my primary focus the various times I moved me and my children from Miami to Vegas and back again. Perhaps it’s this New Moon in Sagg vibes, but I am not lookin back. This moon brings up our Akoshik Records, which are the oldest memories from all lifetimes. Since this is my 1st human life cycle, I can't seem to escape memories from ny last relationship. I am a anxious, avoidant personality type. Learning what that means explains a lot about my personality.
I gave up everything 6.2.17. Since then, my whole experience feels like an illusion. Which has triggered me in variois ways. I know I have original ideas. But for my sanity to be questioned time and time again is psychological, emotional & spiritual abuse. Sometimes I’m rewarded for speakin up. Other times, I feel like I’m bein punished. My relationship was the 1st place I noticed this trend. Becoming single allows me to see myself clearer. All of my chaos is sourced within me.
Since actually being a patient inside a mental hospital, I have a whooole new outlook on those who are deemed mentally unstable. Eventually, I’ll dive in. That subject is still pretty raw. What I have to say may not express all the love I feel. So I’ll wait.
Now’s a great time to focus on love. When I find myself going down the downward spiral of countless disappointments, I give myself permission to get lost in thoughts that inspire my heart to grow. And urges my soul to fly.
I have lived a dream life & complained about it nonstop. I was just afraid to get too close because I never expect anyone to stick around. As I learn to make peace with life, I have maaad pictures, video, posts and overall evidence of my life over the years. Which allows me to make peace with some of my most intense relationships.
Love has always been my theme. Although my love relationships worked out differently than I planned, I have had some beautiful love experinces. What I experienced with my King exceeded my expectations. We didn't have a Disney ending, but we did have something real. And that is worth sharing.
I make sure all the young girls in my World know what I think of real love. We talk about their ideas, feelings & how they spot love. How to tell love apart from all the fake shit. Fake realities can feel just as real as anything else. I remind them it’s all about the love you have for yourself that will guide the way others love you.
I’m thankful that today, I know what’s real. I am no longer distracted by the off par things that people say. I truly overstand, that how people feel about me is none of my business. Besides, thoughts are sensatory sensations that prevent you from flowing. I don’t want no parts of all that…
Navigating through a broken heart is an art. I don’t know anyone in my personal circle that handles this reality well. So, I value what Bey and Jay as well as Will and Jada offer to the buffet of love. We all have permission to love how we want to. It’s uber important that our love experience feels good to us!
Times like this, I have a good time navigating through life single as a 2 dollar bill. I'm learning a lot of stuff I feel like I never knew. Ever so often, I crave that thing called love. I remember the oarts of love that hurt most, then I research the science of the behaviour.
As a consequence, I’m learning what love truly is instead of being distracted by my own selfish desires. I no longer crave what I had. Which could only be summed up as fake. Instead, I playfully reflect on what felt right and explore what felt
weird/wrong/misaligned. All of my triggers are the sensitive points I could stand to make peace with. So I don't mind doin my work.
Not everyone can do what I’m doing. I wish we all did. In our own lil way. If we can’t makeup and grow from previous heartbreak, how we gone attract something newer, that feels aligned with our hearts? I want that awakened, sacred heart, unconditional, starseed kinda love! Ain’t nothing to it but to do it.
We are coached to fear our own greatness. Fear our mind. The mind is what turns all illusions to reality. It's also where the monkey's live. Picking a side can be tricky. What works for me is seeing if whatever illusion actually feels good to my heart.
This week ahead is set to be a doozie. The best approach is to hold on tight to everything we know love to be. Allow that other stuff to roll off our soul like water from a waterfall. Attached are some links that helped me last week. May they serve you as well as they’ve served me <3
The Red Table: http://bit.ly/2KQcgQJ
Bey & jay: Follow my IG (@_HelloMyNameIsAngela) & enjoy the clips all week long. Unfortunately, very few Live Stream blogs have the actual footage.